Cookie Dough Ice Cream

sometimes i open my eyes . i stop and smell the air around me . i look at the blue sky . or the full moon .

.and i wonder what happened here . what happened to this thing i was so sure of . so ready to trust. and to cherish .

. i may never understand . i doubt you will either.

. i really thought this was it .

. perhaps that was naive .

. or perhaps it just wasn't .

.maybe it became easier to hate each other .

. i will never know .

. but i will always know .



.how quiet and often very sad .



. it is without you .

* *

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Blue Pearl

this air reminds me of you

cool
crisp
sharp to the touch

last night
one hundred
dreams crossed
my eyes

dreams of all
the others

dreams of you
tattoo'd on my soul

the wind howling
vampires
and
prayers

in another place
we could let
all this go

in another place
this harsh chill
would be a warm
fire inside your
heart

i lay awake

and


wonder if you are
out there somewhere

End Over End

the bathroom smells of
cigarette smoke

the haze of cold cement
still washing over the
fog of sight

deep brown promises
strewn about the thoughts
of morning dew

twisting country roads
and the horror of what
loneliness is to the
lost

electric illumination
of a day without you

the day you never
made it home

and

all these times
you said
you were sorry

Vague Wander Crush

the silence of these walls certainly isn't a compliment to my disorientation. i wanted to write to you. there are these times when you come into my mind , so strong , so unexpected , and so full of everything i have always wanted. you have have done this to me for as long as i can remember.
we were like iron willed prize fighters . always willing to take the beating , pay the due , and never ask too many questions. to this day , because of you , i still feel invisible , untouchable , and ....safe. it doesn't matter what happens all around us , we are always one and our blood , sweat , pain , victory , and salvation are the things of legend no one will ever know about. this will always be just between you and i , and even if we could tell someone...they just wouldn't believe it or understand.
last night was one of those times you carried me , just like when we were kids. just like when we were learning to become these warriors made of nothing but muscle and bone. just like when everyone wrote us off , ignored us , belittled us , and crsuhed our self esteem. as dead and cold as you seem to me , we are alive and brimming with all these things we always have been. we are anarchy , honesty , faith , hardship , consequence , humility , and desire. we are the breath on the lips of drive and passion. as many times as you have left me alone out to sea with cold wind and emptiness , you still have never once lied. those nights staring at the ceiling wondering...you were still a friend . still a part of me. i just wanted you to know i have never forgotten.

Middle Something

from across the dry expanse
and
through dreams wild

brimming with life
in
the hints and overt
suggestions of demise

your glance from across the
bar /
whiskey fire in the
air

is this where i come to
life ?

is this what we waited
for ?

vanish back into the foothills
and
fall apart back in the
crest of
shadows

Leaf

quiver inside the breeze
with sweat on your brow
and the ashes of midnight
strewn inside your mind

time passes and the decay
remains

speak to the seasons
speak to the brutality
of truth

these nights shred you
and
every dream is a shadow
that simplistic memory washes
to the caverns of altruism

re-invention is the hand grenade
of your ego

and

as the streets
begin to freeze the definition
of your mistakes will seem as
soft Little blessings brought
forth to be little kisses of
sympathy

lock your door and turn out the
light

You're So Lame

lean against loneliness /
put your back into it

the sights are the sounds
and the memories that were
lost in the hum of crickets
singing violent hymns all
through the moisture of
moonlight

a touch against your cheek
the hand on your strong back
and
a million miles left to
travel

what are you going to say ?

what are you going to be today ?

i have counted every single day
since that one simple...


gunshot

I Still Smoke Cigarettes In My Dreams

some days i can't get
you free from my
thoughts

i remember the way you smelled

the lilacs in your
eyes
the freedom from your
lips

i remember the pitch of
your driveway
and
the green of your front
lawn

that summer changed
everything

if i knew where your
family laid you
to rest

i would visit your

grave

Side Door

i crawl through the attic
and
torment the thoughts
of some divine
peace

my heart races
my eyes sharp

i will bring
the fight to
you
knowing

all to well

the consequence
should i not do
precisely that

a million
little
nightmares
couldn't be
wrong

i am
wide
awake
and
thinking
of going
for a
ride

ghosts
don't
drive
cars

Learning more and more about less and less

Sing For The Sunday Morning.....

i thought i caught you
in the room
the other night

your hair twisting
long
and
uneven
locks
around the door handle

i chased you
for miles
through
these
dreams

calling your name
and
loving you
more
and
more
with every little labored
breath

we held hands
and
watched the
cool autumn
water
wash up along the
coastline

and
then
we
ever so gently

vanished

into a life
worth living

Beige

i want to be thin
and
transparent

a ghost roaming in your
memory

the warm ocean breeze
is the tranquility
brushing your soft
hair from your
shoulder

these days are
counted
with grace
to a toll
of calm
and respective
peace

i am sure
the war
will
soon
find us
both
and
the humming
train
will again
roar on the tracks

i feel so at
home out there

and

i don't

miss you at all

Soft Smoke Desire

It is hot in here

Quiet
still
surreal

My thoughts move
in rogue persuasion
and
I inventory the
years that have
passed

Tonight is that night
I dwell in combat

Me vs my own emotions
and
the contempt for so
much of what we
call
sanity

I know the run of
the river

The dew damp
on the bottoms
of our feet

moist between our
toes
and
laughter
drowning sorrow

"Don't do what you want. Do what you don't want. Do what you're trained not to want. Do the things that scare you the most."- Chuck Palahniuk

English Muffin Midnight

i had wanted to take my clothing off

decontaminate
the
pollution

and

taste the crisp of
pollen tingling
in my senses

i won today
for certainly
we are at war

i am writing
to you from
blue sky
and
memory

memory of what it
had
been like
to live without
preservatives , malice ,
and salt water unsafe
for
swimming

i feel you
in every little thing
i do
and
i just wanted to remind
myself
that

i was still here

"The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace, and brotherhood." MLK

If You Were Rich

i woke and went out into the
world
without you
without myself
without armor
and without

a weapon

the sun
shined
and
burned
and
taught
lessons
to those who

lacked respect

the salt in the air
became our
skin
and twisted our hair
into knots strong
enough
to

withstand time

the way the moonlight
reflected in your eyes
with warm ocean air to
forgive the day
and
speak so many

truths of freedom

i don't miss you
as much as
i thought i
would ,
but i sure
still

see the scars

Breakfast Alone On The Beach

my eyes wander through the street
looking for something we both know
is not there

i want to absorb the last
years of this pain
and
take you far
from here

i want us to drive
faster

your veins sing
songs for our
medicine
though your soul
will always feel
the pain

when i wrap my arms
around you to lift
you
i feel our souls
touch
and i feel you leave
this life

i want us to
drive faster

tonight
i am going to walk
around the city
by myself for a while

i won't ever
forget about
you

* * * *

"Strength is leading when you just don't want to. You're leading by example. That's what we do. Particularly when it's really , really hard , and it hurts inside. "
~General Stanley McChrystal

Shine Like People Who Are Not Your Friend

I want to walk for one hundred miles tonight. Take the sorrow off my skin and sing outside each little footstep . Twenty paces inside your eyes and I remember all this like it was just last night. I have so many things to tell you. There are so many places we should see and talk about. I want to know what you think. I want to know how you see it. I believe so deeply in you and everything you do. I just want to walk for one hundred miles tonight . Someday I hope I find the right words to tell you about that. The right ones to tell you about every little thing.

the streets whisper your name while you think about tomorrow

everything a million lifetimes in that single moment

pay the piper

the sinoatrial node receives blood from the right coronary artery

i dream a lot

Repainting August

Veins swollen and memories to shift in and out like hungry seagulls squawking behind a dumpster. Thinking of all the little times I died inside myself counting floor tiles until the moment could pass. All the first days of school Anarchy was electrically branching out from my heart. All the Mothers love you will take to the grave and still invisibility seems so apparent in the moons full and ever watchful eyes. This is what I have to share with you. This is how I have come to protect you. My skin is cold to the touch and i am everywhere. I think that this day is forever now.

Before The Blessed

my eyes glazed over
and
time standing still

i am the
SILENCE
in the screams of family members
embracing one and other just an earshot
away
on the front porch

it is warm
and
humid
and
i can hear the rustle
of a gentle breeze
blowing in through the open
front window


the carpet is soft
and my hands are shaking

i am sharp
and alive in this
moment

while

an era ends today

this was a
brother
a father
a son
a grandfather
and
probably
a good man

we do what we
can
and that
has to be good enough

I am sorry

I always will be

For Your Trouble.....

Posture Of The Pasture

we fled the suburbs
as wolves
out of
livestock corals
and
moved south
with good intent

the city smiles at
us
and hones our
acuity
for the art
and
its
mediums
stolen from
years ago

under her winged
canopy
we breathe
we weep
we bleed
and
we

count our blessings

there are no lies
here
and if you try to
hide ....
the zombies
will smell you
from miles away

everything
in its proper
little place
telling stories
and reminding us
to

keep living

Love is the
steam from beneath
the
sewer caps
dulling the sound
of poverty
and hardship

Swollen In Silk

smooth muscle
contracts
and
glistens
softly
in summers
silhouette


i can not
take back the
bite of infection
and
love
shall be no
antidote
to the venom of
this
time

i recall each of
your faces
and she
tells me
i speak of them
in my sleep

I feel pale ,
sullen ,
and
very much
another rhythm
flowing in the
cracks of
the street

my eyes glaze over
in
neon city light
and reflections of
the ghosts
in the window pane

she pours another
cup of coffee
and
I wonder if

i will ever go home

I Only Read This For The Pictures

Time Machine (Person Place Or Thing)