Before Tomorrow

the radio chatter burns into my mind
as
i try to sit still
and
think about everything.

i feel worn , tired , cold
and
very ready.

i have to be out here for them ,
waiting ,
and waiting ,
for the worst of it.


they call out a unit number close to ours
and i
flinch.

we are holding up a post just on the
outskirt of some thrashed and
forgotten
neighborhood.
the sky is perfectly blue today
and i haven't seen it look this way
in
quite some time.

i recall when i used to feel nervous
at times like this. i remember when this
meant a little more.

yesterday when we lifted her cold body off
the frozen lake
and
onto our stretcher ,
i was thinking about the ocean.
i was thinking about smoking a cigarette watching the
tide come in.

then....
i began to wonder if she had ever seen the ocean.
i began to wonder what she thought about
just before
she

slit her wrists.